For Being An Us For Once, Instead of a Them, La Vie Boheme

Joe, Me, Greg

12 Days and Counting

Happy Veterans Day!

First let me say, I don't even understand why I joined the army. I mean, I was never particularly patriotic. Even as a little kid I never understood the concept of countries. I still don't get it. I think it's absolutely stupid that we have to have visas to live or work on another part of the earth. And I've never believed that the USA was the end-all be-all. Granted, I love the US. But I love Germany just as much and would be a very happy man if I spent the rest of my days back there. And I'd rather live in Odessa, Ukraine than Odessa, Texas.

But I can't believe how long it has been since I first enlisted. And I can't believe how long I've been a civilian. Who could have guessed that those four years of my life would have been so formative? It was more important than high school, learning how to walk or talk or do anything else in life.

And I think the biggest thing I took from that experience was not only how to break the rules, but how necessary it was to break the rules. Until I joined the army, I was so straightlaced it wasn't even funny.

I never broke the rules when I was younger. I never got in trouble at school. And I hardly ever got into trouble at home. At least I didn't get into any serious trouble. I was definitely a smart-assed kid, but I didn't steal or cuss or do drugs. I was a pretty good kid.

But after about 2 days in the army, I realized how ridiculous rules were. And how stupidly they were enforced. It took some goofy friends to help me understand that the only way to survive was to laugh it off. The best way to laugh it off is to break the rules but never let anyone realize you're doing it.

So the army helped me lighten up a bit and for that I'm grateful. For a good portion of our day we were under stress. You are constantly under a microscope--hair, clothes, shoes, actions, etc. Even happy days--like getting a promotion has some sort of hell attached to it. It's not like you get a bigger check, a pat on the back and everyone takes you out for lunch.

Just look at this promotion ceremony. It's a typical cold miserable German day. We didn't get to put on our dress uniform. We got socked with freezing cold water and then had to walk the gauntlet. That's when you two rows of men line up on either side and beat the shit out of your arms as you S L O W L Y walk through. Ever heard of blood rank? It hurts!

So when you finally got a moment's peace it was time to just let your hair down (what little hair we had). Here's my friend George, proving his theory that you can always fit one more thing into a flight bag.

My rule breaking ventures started off small. Here's an example. It was the day after Christmas and we were stuck at Ft. Devens in intelligence school because of the first Iraq War (I didn't go to Iraq until later that summer). We weren't allowed to go home on leave and there was nothing to do but go to school during the day. But at night we had ourselves a little fun. My friend Mike and I built an anatomically correct snowwoman in front of somebody's barracks. She came down not long after we built her, but nobody knew it was us.

Then when I was in Germany, I found myself in a leadership position. It was an eye opening experience. I never had people's lives in my hands before. If something happened to them, on or off-duty, it was my fault. I started to get grey hair. It was stressful, but I did little things to ease the stress.

My friend Clay and I (good Lord, I look young in that pic!) would take a red pen to orders and memos posted in the hallways and in the motor pool. We would correct them for grammar and spelling and then give a grade. Again, it's not much of a big deal. But it's enough to get you through. And it still makes me laugh today.

But my best way of bucking the rules came on Sgt's Day. Every Thursday the squad leaders had to give instruction from 8am - 4pm. It was an entire day of boring shit. I hated sitting in a classroom listening to some jackass drone on and on about nuclear and biological weapons. So, when I became a squad leader I started taking my guys out for reconnaissance. Once we were far enough in the forest, we would unpack our shit and read all day. It was a good day of rest and the guys loved me for it.

So for all you veterans out there, HAPPY VETERANS DAY! And if you are not a veteran, learn from me. Start breaking the rules. Have a little fun with life. Life's too short not to.