Hands Off

SJ and I had a great weekend together.

He was house/petsitting for a friend in Avondale, which is one exit shy of Los Angeles. So we got to play house Friday night and Saturday night.

Friday we went to Carabbas and tried to catch a movie but we were in between showings of everything. So, we went back home and watched a video. I made him suffer through Cliffhanger--one of my all time faves. I love John Lithgow in it. He outdoes Alan Rickman in the smarmy yet funny bad guy department.

After catching forty winks (maybe it was only 20--Joe snores LOUD), I went home and got some stuff done. Then it was off to the Human Rights Campaign Gala Dinner. Neil G. was in town to present the individual award to his best friend Steve May. Buddy and I had a good time. Well, I did. I can't say for Buddy.

The cool part was Judy Shepard, Matthew Shepard's mom, was the keynote speaker. The thrust of her speech was that you have to live your life openly, no matter what. The only way to gain acceptance is to be honest and open.

After the dinner, I went back to Avondale and SJ(here's a pic I made for him) and I polished off some wine. He made a fire outside and we sat and talked until it got too cold. Then we went inside and talked some more. Then we made out for a really long time and went to bed. :-)

It's really awesome to be able to be so honest and open at the beginning of a relationship. Normally, you try to put on airs or avoid certain subjects because you don't want the other person to know what a freak you are. But that's not happening here. It's refreshing and endearing and extremely intimate. Sharing ideas, thoughts (especially the crazy ones) and words to me are much more intimate than getting naked ever could be.

The cool part about all of this is that I'm older and experiencing all of this happiness and giddiness and sappiness. I've always been kind of a curmudgeon when it came to romance. I hated sappy movies and was suspicious of insanely happy couples. But not anymore - I'm watching movies like How Stella Got Her Groove Back and instead of pulling a Mystery Science Theater 3000, I'm crying at the end.

I always thought my first love was the most powerful because it was pure and unadulterated. When I fell in love with Cyrille I didn't know anything about pain and heartache. So the love and happiness I experienced was just overwhelming at times. I'm experiencing something on par if not even stronger than what I experienced 12 years ago. And that just rocks.

The only crappy part to all of this is my throat is sore and my chest is heavy--not sure if it's killer allergies or I'm getting sick. Blah!

Happy Tunesday Motherfuckers!!!

This week's song comes courtesy of my sister Sue. She e-mailed me this song (Hands Off by Junkyard) the other day and I laughed my ass off. I remember it got some serious airplay for awhile in the late 1980s or early 1990s. It's a pretty good old metal song. You've got to listen to the whole song cuz the ending is where it gets ya. ;-)

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Dust N Bones

Phoenix sucks when it comes to clean air.

Why? We live in a Valley (hence the name Valley of the Sun). So, we have all of these emissions from cars and buses that get trapped in the city. In the morning you can clearly see a brown haze over the city. It's disgusting.

Ten years ago when I first lived to Phoenix, we would have these killer storms. They would come in and wash away the pollutants and remove the thick coating of dust on the cars, sidewalks, etc.

But Phoenix has gotten so big that it creates this immense bubble. Why? Phoenix is nothing but concrete, very few trees--even for a desert city--so all of the concrete and trapped air creates intense heat. In the summer monsoon months, storms that come in from the south have a difficult time breaking through this bubble. Another byproduct of urban sprawl.

So, for people like me who are allergic to everything, it's very difficult to breathe. My two steroid inhalers and pills are no match for the city. I've got to move within another year or two or else I will become one bloody nose after another (a byproduct of the inhalers).

So why am I bitching? We've just set a record for no measurable rain. Here's the Republic's little writeup. So on top of not being able to breathe, I'm terribly dry. My skin is peeling everywhere. I wake up and my hands are a chalky white, my legs are scaly as are my face and head. It's disgusting. So I carry a little bottle of lotion and continually apply and I drink lots o water but it's just not enough. If it doesn't get any better I'm going to Costco, buying a vat of lotion and filling up my tub with it. I'll lay there for an hour or so. I bet my body is so dry that it'll suck up the entire tub's worth of lotion--no messy cleanup! 

Sex on the Brain

I had an interesting conversation on Monday with Richard.

We were talking about sex. He was really surprised that SJ and I haven't had sex yet. He said that generally if he hasn't had sex within a week or two of dating someone then it'll probably never happen and that's the end of that.

It kind of reminded me of what Mr. X said when he broke up with me. He said, among other things, that we had gone too long without having sex and in his mind we were just friends.

Maybe I'm a total freak for thinking this but when I'm first dating someone I don't want to immediately have sex with them. I mean - I DO want to, but I also want to wait.

I can have (and have had) sex with anybody. It's easy to have sex with someone you don't really care about. There's really nothing invested. I'm not saying you can't have great sex with strangers or people you are casually acquainted with, because you can.

But what I want in a relationship and what I want with Joe is physical intimacy. That's not something that happens often in a person's life. And it's not something that will happen in 3 weeks.

It almost speaks to a larger level. We, as a society, seem to want everything pronto. God forbid we cook a meal. I mean even microwaving takes too long. So although we have all of this stuff easily at hand, it's somehow less rewarding.

Fortunately, Joe is in sync with me on this subject (and yes, I asked if I could blog about this cuz it is personal). So, we'll go at our own pace. We really want to build something special. I'm not saying that I've always followed this model in life. But I'm getting older (and wiser?) and just feel more comfortable approaching things at a slower pace. And I'm not saying if you have sex with someone on the first date, you can't fall in love and live happily ever after for the rest of your life. You can. But I really think Joe is a special person. And I want it to be special with him.

And don't ask us about what we do and when we've done it. Of course, I'm mainly referring to my fellow ruggers who have an insane curiousity about it all - and love to voice it. I told Joe last week that I was just going to post a notice saying we were going to wait until we got married. :-P

Simple Man

What would a game of rugby be without scabby knees?

I often dream of what it must be like to play rugby on actual grass. I'm not sure if I'll ever feel blades of grass under my cleats. Instead I'm treated to straw with the texture of razor blades laying on top of earth that feels like concrete.

It hasn't rained in over four months in Phoenix. To say the ground is hard is an understatement.

I also think I'm out of alignment. I'm getting sharp pains running down my left arm. This happened to my right side last game. I think it's time to call my chiropractor.

I had a great topic to blog about but I'll wait until tomorrow night or Wednesday. I'm too tired.

Today SJ stopped by work and gave me a rose. I'm trying to think back at the last time I received a flower. It's been a long time so it was greatly appreciated. And it was PERFECTLY timed.

Jeff said we're getting too cutesy for words (we keep posting stuff messages and songs on MySpace). I told him not to worry, because the disgusting cutesy phase would only last a couple of years.

In true Jeff fashion he replied: "Ok after doing a little math (hurts my head) that means there's gonna be like 8000 teddy bears and over 10,800 cutesy phrases by 2008. "

Sorry I posted that Jeff but it cracked me up. And it's not like I posted an actual IM session like other bloggers do. ;-)

HAPPY TUNESDAY MOTHERFUCKERS!

I've been in a 70s southern rock mood for the past week. I've been listening to Allman Brothers and Lynyrd Skynyrd. One of my favorite Skynyrd songs is Simple Man. It harkens me back to when I was a young pup. You can either view it as cheesy or soulful. I love the guitar work. :-)

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Tumble in the Rough

I had a great weekend.

Friday morning I woke up at 6:30 w/ rugby on the brain. I couldn't get back to sleep which pissed me off cuz I usually sleep until 8.

I finally got to meet Brooke and Jack. Jeff picked me up at noon and we headed over to Pugzie's. Although Brooke and Jeff said that Jack is usually better behaved, I thought he was fine. A little fussy but he was feeling under the weather.

Plus, I work at Echo. I deal with people who are always crying or screaming over something. Believe me, Jack was a prince. He's even more adorable than his pictures!

Friday after work, I headed over to Ajo Al's. There we had dinner with the boys from the Atlanta Bucks. They were a great group of guys but I was kind of quiet. I wasn't much for socializing--feeling a bit anxious over the game. Here's Dave (the big Scott) and I. I love Dave--he's very funny when you can understand him.

Saturday's a rugby day!

Saturday was game day. We had a great turnout of supporters. Thank you Jeff, Charles, Chris, Steve and Ryan for coming out to the game!

And better yet, we played the best game we've ever played. We lost 13-3 but it was much closer than that. We were so close to scoring multiple times. We missed a few penalty kicks and we were within the try zone on many occasions but just never broke through. But that's okay. I think we all learned we can hold our own against one of the best IGRAB teams in the nation.

Personally, I think I played decently. The best part for me was learning that I could do some things I wasn't aware I could do. Every game is a learning experience. I also have some things I want to work on before next game.

The coolest part of the game was when they inserted bigger guys on the wings in the second half. I think they're wings were getting roughed up by us, so they needed to go bigger. It's a testament to our play that they had to make changes to what WE were doing.

The Atlanta boys were awesome to play with. I tackled some guy and he looked at me and said, "Nice tackle!" At one point, I cracked heads with another guy (my eye hurts REALLY badly today). He got up and asked if I was okay before running back to his side. Although we're trying to kill each other, it's nice to play with gentlemen who have that kind of spirit.

After the game we headed to Nu-Towne for the drinkup. It was a blast. The Atlanta guys were really cool to socialize with. And their coach seems almost as awesome as ours.

SJ won man of the match for the forwards!!! And Rickie won man of the match for the backs.

I was so happy for SJ. He really plays hard. And he's much better than he thinks. So I hope this shows him that he's got talent and skill and can kick ass on the field.

He and Rickie got totally drunk in about 2 hours. Kids these days just can't hold their liquor. I just want to state for the record that it took me 10 HOURS to get that drunk when I was man of the match. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Oh, I learned never to lend my camera out to John Alecca. It came back to me with a picture of somebody wearing a jock and another picture of somebody's hairy balls.

I also learned I hurt really badly the day after games. I don't think that will change.

Anyway, here's some pix from the weekend.
Ryan and I
Ludacris, Jose, SJ, Jay, Drew
Daniel "China Doll Barbie" and an Atlanta Buck
Andy, Jay, Steve, Joe, Todd
Dave, Chris, Don, Rickie
Jay, John, SJ, Phill
Sterling
Isn't he cute?

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Nothing As It Seems

Eddie Vedder
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

I had one of the most realistic dreams of my life last night. I dreamed that I hung out with Eddie Vedder.

I was sitting at a small bar. At the end of the bar was a little stage and some guys were setting up equipment, but they couldn't get the sound system to work. Having watched Rent a billion times and observing Mark Cohen, I was able to get it working.

So, the tech guys asked me to hang out with them. Well, Pearl Jam comes out on stage and does a "surprise" show. It was a warmup to their upcoming tour this summer.

After the show, Eddie started talking to me. He made a joke about Mike McCready's penchant for wearing dresses, so I told him that I wrote for a GLBT magazine.

We ended up hanging out all night long - talking about how much we hated Bush and the religious right and how he wrote a couple of songs about being an outsider. I thanked him for writing Rival (according to PJ, it's about growing up gay in Littleton, CO). I also told him that on MySpace I wrote his name next to "Person I'd like to meet." He thought I was lying so we went online and I showed him. He laughed and thanked me. Then he said I had to put someone else up there. I gave him my phone number so that the next time they were in town we could hang.

Well, my cell phone rang (the next day? the next year? i don't know--it was a dream). It was Eddie. He and his wife and kid were in town and wanted to hang. So we did. And talked and talked and talked.

It was really cool. I know whoever reads this is thinking, "Umm. Freak!" But whatever. It was neat. I felt like I was there. And don't worry. I don't have issues of Teen Beat with him on the cover plastered all over my bedroom walls.... they're on my ceiling.

Anybody else have those types of realistic dreams?

Summer of Love

What a weekend! My friend Ted and his boyfriend Damien flew in from Baltimore this weekend. We had a blast. I've laughed so hard over the past couple of days, because Ted is just insane.

I can't write much because I'm dead tired. But I thought this picture summed up the weekend pretty well. Damien got trashed at the gay rodeo on Saturday and passed out at Jack in the Box. Which was fitting since there was a man in the bathroom at Jack in the Box passed out around the toilet. The manager went in with a broom but couldn't stir him -- guess he had too many curley fries.

I'll post for realz tomorrow night.


HAPPY TUNESDAY MOTHERFUCKERS!
The summer of 1997 is affectionately referred by Ted and I as the summer of love. We just had such a great group of friends and we did a lot of fun things together. This song was one that they played all the time and we HATED it. But we still sing it because it cracks us up. It's called Do You Miss Me by Jocelyn Enriquez. This is actually a cleaned up version (it sounds like it was professionally produced). The version that they played back in 97 was MUCH worse.

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Don't worry about it. We're just having coffee.

Sometimes even your closest friends can be so completely wrong about you. Or, have the wrong perception.

For example, a few times it's been mentioned to me that I seem to be on a mission to be in a relationship with someone. Those weren't the exact words they used but that was the essential message.

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Did I want to date guys? Yes.

Was I hellbent on having fun? Hell yeah.

But was I desperately seeking out my soulmate and be in another relationship? Fuck no.

I love being single. It's easy in a complicated world. There are no attachments. You can be selfish. Emotions are easily kept in check. And I'd been in two relationships that took up a majority of my adult life.

In the past two years of being single, I've met a lot of wonderful people with great characteristics that would be excellent mates. However, I just wouldn't let it happen. I didn't want to get close to anyone.

That's changing.

I wasn't going to blog about any of this but it's just becoming too much of a part of my life to NOT blog about it.

Tuesday night I went out on a date with a really cute guy who's also very sweet. But I just wasn't into it. Why? Because I seem to be hung up on someone else.

After a couple of false starts (like I said before -- the last thing I'd want is a relationship), we're really jelling. And it's happening organically. There's nothing manufactured or fake about any of it. This makes it even more powerful. Things are happening at a very slow pace (to my liking) and there are "no expectations or commitments" (his words, not mine). But honestly, things are so good that I hope that phrase gets dropped soon.

I'm not sure if things will get serious or not. We may just end up as friends and teammates, but that's okay. Life is about adventure and exploring possibilities, right?

Last night we watched one of my all time favorite movies, "Say Anything." There are a billion great lines in it. So I'll just leave with this one.

Diane Court: Nobody thinks it will work, do they?
Lloyd Dobler: No. You just described every great success story.

Sorrow

Today was the first day of the Arizona Legislature. While the Governor was inside giving her State of the State address, minority groups gathered en masse on the lawn of the Capitol.

I went there to cover a group of clergy that was marching for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender population. They wanted it known that Christianity did not equal hate. And they wanted to make sure that Arizona didn’t become a theocracy. They want separation of church and state. Interestingly, there were many heterosexuals marching for us homosexuals (which totally rocks).

While I was waiting for the clergy to march from Patriot’s Square to the Capitol, I had some time to kill. So I hung out with the several thousand Hispanics on the lawn. They had a stage that was bigger than the one Guns N Roses used in the soccer stadiums of Europe during their Use Your Illusion Tour. And the sound system was louder than any Who concert.

It’s easy to make a thousand jokes about immigration until you actually see the people. These people are dirt poor (not saying Americans aren't). And they’re doing every job that no American would ever deign themselves to do: laundry at hotels, cleaning toilets in stadiums, planting trees and landscaping lawns in the hot Arizona sun for rich and middle class families, etc.

I just find it ridiculous that we have national borders. I know this sounds all hippie and shit, but I feel like we’re all human beings. Sure we have cultural and language differences, but if you want to live somewhere on Earth, then you’re entitled to live there.

Personally, this has affected me. My first great love of my life, Cyrille, was a French citizen. It was a struggle to keep him in the states. Eventually he had to go back. If we were heteros, we could have married and he could have stayed here. But honestly, we weren’t ready for that step anyway. So, he should have just been able to stay and work and pay taxes and assimilate into American life. Obtaining a legal work visa is next to impossible and the Green Card lottery is a joke.

One of our fellow bloggers, Ian, is having a long distance relationship with an American. Why can’t he just move to Miami and be happy?

Anyway, it just kills me to see all of these people on the lawn of the Capitol – men, women, little babies, teenagers, etc. I just feel so bad for them. I know their lives must be really rough. I wish there was some way I could help them all. And I wish politicians would stop pointing the finger at these people as if they were horrible scourges. They’re not—they actually benefit our society.

If you don’t believe me, then go out and start taking the jobs that they do, for the amount of money they receive.

HAPPY TUNESDAY MOTHERFUCKERS!

This song is called Sorrow by the punk band Bad Religion. I think it's an anti-war song, at least that's how I interpret it. Anyway, it's really cool. Listen to it. Maybe you'll like it.

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Hostile

I watched one of the worst movies of my life tonight (along with Kevin, Jeffy and SJ). It wasn't as bad as The Hurricane, but it was close. The first 30 minutes was a homophobic section of tits, sex and drug use. Normally, I like the latter three but the homophobic jokes and banter kind of turned me off. Plus, I didn't go to see Hostel, expecting soft-core porn. I wanted something scary.

What I got was horrendous dialogue, stupid execution and terrible gore. During half the movie, I was looking at SJ or at my sweatshirt. I couldn't bare looking at the screen.

It really pisses me off cuz I love horror films. I even like gorefests, if they're good or even decent. I even like the bad ones. Hostel was just trash. I wanted to walk out, but the other guys were enjoying it so much, I didn't want to spoil their fun. Okay, that was a lie. They hated it too.

In other news.... I had a good lunch with Coach Phill on Friday. We talked rugby for 2 hours. Towards the end of the conversation, he casually said, "Oh. I want you to gain 10 pounds by May. And shoot for 20 by next season."

I laughed. The odds of that happening are slim to none. But it does give me a goal to shoot for. I know I need to pack on some pounds (muscle, not fat). So, I'll start eating more and drinking shakes and lifting like a madman. We'll see what happens. 

Lust for Life

How's it going kiddies?

My New Year's Eve weekend was fun. Quick recap:

Friday night I went to dinner with my friends Tammie and Jilanne. We hadn't seen each other in months. So Kevin and I met them at Rock Bottom for beers and food. I went home and was asleep by 11.

Saturday I got up and went to Neil Schneider's house. He, his roommate Steve, their friend Chris and I headed to Squaw Peak for some hiking fun. It really burned my legs but it was a great workout. On the way up we saw a roadrunner. I took a pic with my new camera. Here's Chris, Neil and Steve at the top. Here's another one. The boys kept wanting to speed up and slow down to get better looks at the Fire Department's rescue crew who were running drills (they were hot).

The rest of my day was spent cleaning the upstairs fish tank, cleaning the house, going to Angi's to feed her kitties and other chores. I was exhausted when I finally got to sit down at 7. I closed my eyes for less than 1 minute and my mother called. So no nap for me. :-(

George, Jeff and SJ came over to play cards. Jeff catered the entire event. He brought the liquor and delectables. It was a veritable cornucopia of goodies. THANKS JEFFY!

We managed to play THE LONGEST GAME OF UNO EVER! Each hand took at least a half hour. It was so frustrating. Everybody's hands consisted of only two colors. For example, although at the beginning you are dealt 7 cards, I managed to have 23 cards in my hand at one point (thanks to the spiteful SJ and George). 15 cards were red and the others were green. I had no yellow or blue. How is that possible? And each hand was like that - it just took forever to play.

I also made the guys watch the last hour of You've Got Mail because I started watching it the week before and never got to see the end. They weren't happy.

Duke (pictured above) was not happy with George either. It's so funny because he hates George. I don't know why. He'll hiss and growl at George and I'll pick Duke up and Duke just gives me kisses and purrs. He loves his daddy. :-)

That night I slept on the upstairs couch while SJ crashed in my bed. I discovered that I need a ceiling fan in my bedroom. I'm always hot. The upstairs couch is under a ceiling fan and it was AWESOME. That's my project this week - buy and install a ceiling fan. I'll probably start sleeping better.

Sunday night I went over to Texas Mike's house and then we ended up at Roscoes playing darts. It was a nice night. I love Texas Mike - he's so funny and sweet - the complete opposite of how others describe him. When I dated Mr. X, Mr. X would tell me all these horrible stories and told me a billion times to stay away from Texas Mike. Well, fuck that - we've ended up friends after all.

Finally, just a quick note about how much I love rugby. I swear, it's a sickness. I went to practice tonight dragging ass from the weekend. But as soon as I put on my cleats, I got a boost of energy. I love joking with the guys and tossing the ball back and forth and practicing different moves. It's so much fun. I don't understand why more people don't do it.

Yes, it hurts like a mother fucker. And my legs are permanently scarred and bruised. And some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT! It's a blast. I love those guys -- even the assholes. And I feel really fortunate to have found them.

HAPPY TUNESDAY MOTHERFUCKERS!

Today's song is called Lust for Life by Iggy Pop. I chose it because, Friday night I was at the gym and I kept staring at this guy who was being given the introductory tour of my gym. I kept thinking to myself, "That guy looks just like Iggy Pop." My thoughts were confirmed when Kevin came over and said, "Did you see Iggy Pop?" So, I guess we'll have a semi-celebrity at LifeTime. Ironically, he's crack skinny but he's got a beer belly. Lust for Life is a great title but I looked up the lyrics and realize it's a dirty song. I can't believe a cruise line would use it in their ads.

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