Little Red Focette

Focus ST

So today I finally got my new car. I bought the Ford Focus ST. It's got the sport suspension and bigger engine. It's pretty damned zippy! And it's red just like in this picture. The inside is pretty sweet too for an economy car. It's as sleek and smooth as my legs. I really like it. :-)

Time for bed. I'll take some pix and post 'em this weekend.

Bleed the freak

Leg shaving
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

I'm one of those people who hate the summers in Phoenix. I don't understand it when people say, "Oh, the heat here doesn't really bother me." It doesn't bother you? It's 115 fucking degrees!

I come from Baltimore, MD. Where during the summer it's typically in the 90s with 80-90 percent humidity. My last three summers in high school were spent working my ass off as a landscaper. 14 hour days in the sun. That I could tolerate.

But here, I just walk outside and sometimes I will instantly get a headache. I'm also a lot grumpier (yes, more so than normal).

So, during the summer, I trim my hair. ALL OF IT. Normally, I keep the hair on my head shaved close (no guard on the sides). I also trim my arm, chest and leg hair.

I have a beard trimmer for my half goatee that I've been sporting. I was using that for my legs but it was TAKING FOREVER. So I whipped out my grandfather's clippers.

I think I blogged about this before but my grandfather was a barber and gave me my first haircut. I'm sure he's rolling in his grave knowing his gay grandson is using his clippers to trim up the leg hair.

So... I couldn't find the guard but it had an adjustable head that moved the little teeth further away from the blade. I thought I had it fully extended, so I powered it up and started right below my knee.

Before I knew it, I had cut a swath of hair from my knee to my ankle. It was completely GONE. It wasn't just trimmed up... there wasn't a millimeter of hair left. It was shorter than if I had used a shaving cream and a razor blade.

So, I had to do my entire leg like that. Completely shorn.

The good news is, it worked. It completely cooled off my body. I froze my ass off in bed that night. I had to get up in the middle of the night to grab an extra blanket.

The bad news is, I have to wear jeans to work all week. I look utterly ridiculous with silky smooth legs.

BTW Bleed the Freak is a kickass Alice in Chains song.

Sometimes it's hard to be me (pun intended)

Jason Adonis

In addition to my job as Assistant Editor at Echo Magazine (I wrote that because my sister Cathy has no clue what Echo is or why I sent her a link to do our reader survey but I digress), I also proofread our sister publication XFactor. For the uninitiated, XFactor is a magazine about gay porn. It has DVD reviews, a sex column, features about the porn industry or sex or health and other things.

Considering that I haven't had sex IN MONTHS this can be problematic. I'm okay when it comes to the alternative medicine columns, but damn those DVD reviews are hard to proof! I get so caught up in the descriptions, that I forget to check for punctuation and misspellings and verb/subject agreement, etc.

Now, that's my reaction the first time I proof the pages. By the time it's ready to go to press, I have to read the entire magazine again cover to cover. It's not so much fun then. In fact, it's kind of a drag and exhausting. I mean, you can only read so much porn in one sitting.

Anyway... this guy was on the cover last month and I'm sad to see him go. His name (appropriately) is Jason Adonis. I'm sure he's an asshole. At least, that's what I tell myself when I see someone that drop dead gorgeous--they're assholes or they're too immature for relationships or whatever I can think of to needlessly downgrade them in my mind.

Pennyroyal Tea

Where's my hair?
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

Two of my favorite lines from song lyrics comes from one song. Nirvana's Pennyroyal Tea.

"I'm on my time with everyone."
and
I'm so tired, I can't sleep."

I think if there was ever a time I could related to those words it's right now. I think I've truly overextended myself.

Monday nights I have bowling. Wednesday night and Saturday mornings is rugby practice. Thursday nights is tennis. Friday nights and Sunday mornings/days I usually work at Skyview. This only gives me Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday to work out at the gym.

Plus, I've met someone that has me excited about dating again, so I need time for that too. And I need chill time, but I haven't been able to work that into my schedule just yet.

I think this overexcitement has caused me to go into insomniac mode. I've been averaging 5 or 6 hours of sleep, especially on the weekends. I keep waking up early and not being able to go back to sleep. The last two nights I took some sort of over-the-counter sleeping pill. It knocks me out but then I wake up feeling like I need 12 more hours of sleep.

And to make matters worse, I've noticed that my hair is considerably thinning out on top. Now, I've never really considered myself to be vain. I'm not into fashionable clothes. I take a little pride in my appearance, but it's not something of which I'm constantly conscious. But this thinning thing is bugging me.

The funny thing is, I really like men with thinning or bald heads. I think it's really sexy--just not on me. Talk about your double standards.

Is that even healthy? Should I discriminate against myself? Why do I care? Enquiring minds want to know.

I'm Gonna Crawl

Injured

Isn't it amazing there's a Zeppelin song for everything??? I promise this'll be the last Zep title.

Anyway... I went to my first rugby practice today. Fortunately, Buddy was on hand to call the paramedics.... OK, I didn't REALLY need an ambulance but FUCK!!!! it KICKED MY ASS.

I woke up at 7 and couldn't fall back to sleep. So, I got up and drank some coffee, gassed up the car and got some Gatorade. I got to the Park where practice is held and got situated. A few minutes later Buddy showed up. That was a neat surprise. I wish he'd brought his tennis shoes and worked out with us but alas no. I think a little more prompting and he'll fall in line. :-)

So we basically ran for 90 minutes in the heat. When I'm talking heat, I'm not talking about 85 degrees. It's at least 1,000 degrees--Kelvin no less. Phil, who runs the practices, tries to disguise the running as rugby drills but essentially it's nothing but running sprints for 90 minutes. I'm going to have to up my caloric intake by 30% or else I'll look like Karen Carpenter by the end of summer.

I got muddy, because part of the field was wet and tennis shoes just don't do the trick. I'm going to have to get some cleats. We rolled around on the ground, passed the ball to each other, sprinted around each other, did footwork in ladders and RAN. It was the most fun I've had with hard exercise in a long time.

After practice everyone went to the Good Egg for breakfast. I barely ate two scrambled eggs and a half a piece of toast. I was literally in a daze. I'm not even sure how I drove to the damned restaurant. They say it gets easier. I hope so.

But it was fun. And it was so cool of Buddy to come over. I always introduce him as my boss--as a sign of respect. But he acts more like a friend. Yesterday he wasn't in the office and it kinda sucked. I had to watch Young and the Restless by myself--there was nobody to hear my smartassed comments about the show.

I'm gonna watch Twister and take a nap on the couch and then it's off to the AHRF dinner. Should be fun!

In the Evening

Batman

Sometimes I feel like a real tard. Tonight Buddy, Richard, Jeff, Jorge (pronounced George--why?, I'm not sure but someone please explain this to me), Doug and I saw the new Batman. First, I completely forgot that Katie "I LOVE Scientology" Holmes was in it until I saw her name at the end of the film. Yes, after all this bullshit about Tomatie (or is that Kom?) I completely forgot that she was in the damned picture. She's really not that pretty. If I were Tom Cruise, I would not be jumping up and down on Oprah's furniture about it. In fact, I wouldn't even let her walk down the red carpet with me. I'd be like, "Bitch, sneak in the back with the help. I'll meet you inside."

I also didn't realize Gary Oldman was in it. In fact, I didn't know who Gary Oldman really was. I knew I saw him in Dracula but that was it. So I went onto IMDB this evening and realized that he was Sirius Black in the last Harry Potter movie. I also saw him in Hannibal, Murder in the First, JFK and The Firm. He's either very good or so boring I don't even notice him.

Christian Bale was good as Batman. I still don't think he's all that and a bag of chips in the looks department (although he's got an AMAZING body) but he's a good actor. The story was pretty solid and the action was over-the-top, but kind of subdued in comparison to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Some of the jokes fell flat and in my opinion were totally unnecessary.

I still think Michael Keaton was the best Batman. But we'll let the scholars and geeks debate that one.

Best line of the night came not from the movie but Jeff. After Katie "Fugly" Holmes gives Batman his birthday gift, Jeff turns to me and says, "I can't believe she drives a Taurus."

Kashmir

The gift

Someone gave me a homemade gift today. Very simple but appropriate--a copy of the new White Stripes CD with a very sweet note. It put me in the best mood. I'm not sure if it's healthy to be 34 and giddy, but fuck it. I'm liking this.

And yes, I'm going to use Zeppelin songs as my titles for awhile--at least for a week or two.

What did you bring me my dear friend to keep me from the Gallows Pole

Rugby hurt

First off, I've been on this Led Zeppelin kick ever since I heard they're recreating Live Aid with Live 8. When Zeppelin reformed for Live Aid, I almost burst into tears a la stupid chick at a Beatles concert. See, I've always been a big Zep fan, ever since I was a baby boy. My sister Lorraine said that I knew the words to Zeppelin songs before I knew nursery rhymes. I loved their mysticism, Misty Mountain Hop, Battle of Evermore, Stairway to Heaven, No Quarter, Gallows Pole--that shit was good!!! And their straight up rockers were even better. But I loved their slow songs the best--very bluesy yet with a rock edge.

But, the real reason of this post is to prove that I have truly gone off the deep end. Saturday night I had to go to an end-of-the-year awards banquet for our local gay rugby team. Echo gave them a lot of press over the past year and they wanted to thank us. Since Buddy was being stalked in Flagstaff at the time, I got to go.

I had an absolute blast. The guys were wonderful and sweet and funny and very welcoming. They took me in under their wings and showed me a good time. Of course, by the end of the evening they had me convinced that I needed to join the team. And after viewing a movie of a game, I knew I was born to play rugby. I could be a scrappy little guy.

Today I realized that I made a colossal mistake. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING??? These guys are huge. And when you get hurt in rugby, you get REALLY hurt. There is no padding and the desert ground is fucking hard. Three guys on the team are going in for knee surgery within days of each other. Some guy cracked his ribs and CONTINUED playing. Um.. My back goes out if my cat ends up sleeping on my stomach.

Of course, I can't wimp out. I told them I'd show up for practice next Saturday. So, next Saturday it's going to be 110 degrees and I'm going to be running drills with people twice my size and getting my ass kicked. Sometimes I wish I didn't drink at parties.

If the condom doesn't fit, you must acquit

Michael Jackson
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

I don't understand how they didn't charge him with at least giving liquor to a minor. This whole thing is wrong, including this picture.

Attitude

Attitude

One of the great things about my life is I have amazing friends. I'm talking about one-of-a-kind, go-against-the-grain type of people. Case in point, my friend Ryan.

My ex used to call him my straight boyfriend. That's because Ryan would call me at least once, sometimes two or three times a day. And we'd talk on the phone for hours. Actually, he talked and I listened. Except for a few exceptions, I hate talking on the phone.

Anyway Ryan is definitely his own animal. He's straight edge. Straight edge is a type of hardcore rock/metal music. But it's also a way of life. Straight edgers don't drink and they don't do drugs. In fact, Ryan has never drank in his life (I think he said he sipped beer once but that was all). To me that is utterly amazing. I think it's fantastic but insane at the same time.

When I first met him, he had a sleeveless shirt which showed off this huge tattoo of a fist and what looked like the letters SEX. But it's not, I think the letters are SE. Anyway, he looked like a white supremacist, so I was a little nervous because I didn't want to get killed. It turns out it's just a Straight Edge tat.

Anyway, he and I became best buds. But that sometimes caused friction in my relationship with Kevin. Ryan and I played videogames, tennis, basketball, watched really bad horror films and talked about Lord of the Rings--insanely geeky stuff. Stuff that I didn't do with Kevin, so naturally there was always a tug of war thing going on. I felt bad because I didn't want Kevin to feel left out, but I also wanted to do fun things with Ryan.

The cool thing about Ryan is, he's always there. When Kevin and I moved from our apartment to our house, we only had our friend Angi and Ryan help. Ryan and I ended up moving the entire apartment by ourselves, while Kevin and Angi set everything up in the new house. It was about 12 hours of grueling work in 108 degree temperature. And he never bitched.

When it came time to lay down a ton of rock in my backyard, once again Ryan broke his back and helped me out. And when Kevin and I broke up he was there. It's funny, cause we were watching TV and he looked at me and said, "I don't know what to do. Do you want to talk about it or not?" It was really sweet and something most guys don't do. Most guys (myself included) are afraid to talk about feelings but Ryan's really open about stuff. He'll talk about anything and laugh it up, gay sex, drugs, booze--everything he doesn't do.

Anyway, this picture is from Halloween. He went as Madonna. I went as Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots. We were thinking about going as Slash (him) and Axl Rose (me). His girlfriend Amanda (who is amazing and has done wonders for him) went as a bloody/gothic vampiress.

Ryan is just one of the wonderful people in my life. Thought I should give him a shout out.

Oh... we always sing the song "Attitude" by the Misfits. There's only a few lines but it's an awesome song:

Attitude, you got some fucking attitude
I can't believe what you say to me
You got some attitude
Inside your feeble brain there's probably a whore
If you don't shut your mouth you're gonna feel the floor

Buddy and Richard

Buddy and Richard
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

Loveshack

Loveshack
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

I've got the music in me

Karaoke
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

Yesterday was Buddy's (my boss) birthday. He and a bunch of friends went to Oregano's for dinner and then Plazma for drinks. Due to tennis and a house appraisal, I was unable to make it to Oregano's.

I played tennis against a newbie in the league. I won 6-0, 6-1. I felt kind of bad because it was his first time in the league and he was a bit overwhelmed. But feelings of guilt quickly left me, because I'm such a jackass and always have to win.

After tennis, I picked up George and headed north to Plazma. It was karaoke night hosted by a former boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries with Mr. Karaoke, George and I grabbed a beer and parked our asses at one of the party tables.

The next thing I know Mr. Karaoke announces that the next song was going to be Somewhere Over the Rainbow sung by Ted Rybka. Of course, I laughed until I looked up at the screen and saw my name was actually up there. When I refused to leave the table, he said, "Come on everyone. Let's get Ted to sing." Of course, everyone in the bar started clapping and cheering me on. I disappointed them all by remaining firmly in place.

Ten minutes later, Buddy and Co. still hadn't arrived. So, Mr. Karaoke decided to read some of my articles from the latest edition of Echo. He then said, "Oh. You missed a hyphen here. Where did I steer you wrong?"

George looked at me and said, "Wow. You really fucked him up."

For the record I didn't. I just broke up with him because I found out that he wasn't out to his parents... who he lived with.... and he was 36 years old. I was well within my rights.

Anyway... Buddy and company finally arrived. Buddy sang a great rendition of Love Shack with Penny (or Peggy?). Richard sweetly serenaded me. It was a fun night!

Dazed and Confused

Hohenfels
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

Everyone has these 100 things about me lists... It's time I started some sort of list. So, here's five things about me:

When I was 17, I knew my family couldn't afford to send me to the college that I wanted to go to (Fordham), so I joined the army. It was a huge scandal in my high school. I went to all male, college preparatory school taught by the Jesuits. Nobody joined the Army--maybe if they went to West Point but that was it. Teachers who never taught me in class stopped me in the hallways and begged me to reconsider. This was a huge indicator that I had made the correct decision.

I went to basic training in Ft. Dix, New Jersey. I was so scared I didn't eat a meal for three whole days. My security clearance paperwork (I went into Military Intelligence) was messed up and I remained in a limbo state for TEN FULL DAYS. Most guys stayed at processing for only two days.

During the third week of Basic Training, we had to march 3 miles across post for some dumb reason. The drill seargants wanted someone to call cadence. Eight guys and ten minutes later we had moved about 200 feet and the drill sergeants were screaming at us. Trying to get 60 men (boys) to march in step as you call out rhymes is more difficult than it looks. I decided to give it a try and succeeded. I marched the entire platoon across post. That was a turning point in my life. I became a leader the rest of my time in Basic Training; someone the guys looked up to. I think at the point I became a leader in life too.

My ranger buddy (bunk mate) in Basic Training was Sean Kellogg from Texas. He was 17, had a baby and a wife. I gave him my first paycheck to send back to his wife.

Everyone in my squad cried at one point or another during Basic, but I didn't. I don't know why. I think it's because I figured out that the entire thing was a sham after about 4 days. I knew the drill sergeants were conducting psychological warfare and that it was all a game--even though they threatened to hold us back and lied to our faces, I knew deep down it couldn't possibly be true.

I haven't talked about this stuff in awhile and memories are flooding back. I'll have to continue this and see where it leads. :-)

He's the one we call Dr. Feelgood...

He's the one we call Dr. Feelgood...
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

I have a doctor who seems to forget about the boundaries between a doctor and a patient.

Let me start from the beginning. For the past 7 years, I have not had a regular doctor. If I was sick, I would just go to Urgent Care. I always think it's ridiculous to wait two weeks to see a doctor, when I'm sick today. So, I looked at Echo and found a doctor in my plan.

The first time I saw him, I had messed up my foot. He treated me and then at the end of the examination, he hugged me. I thought this was odd, because I've never been hugged by a doctor before. The next day he called me to see how I was doing. I thanked him for seeing me so quickly. He said and I quote, "I love seeing you." End of statement. That was weird.

A month later, I went for a physical. After determining that I had no communicable diseases, he asked me out for coffee. I figured, that was my last visit.

Fast forward four months. I switched jobs and only had temporary health insurance. So my allergy meds slowly depleted. By the time my new plan kicked in, I was out of meds and needed a quick fix.

So I went back because I knew I'd be seen immediately. In the examination room, I was reading a book on men's self-image for a story I'm writing. He asked why I was reading that book. I told him it was for a story on achieving the perfect body. He said, "Why? You already have the perfect body."

Ummm.. creepy.

Then when I told him I hadn't had meds for over a week, he asked why I didn't come in sooner. I told him I wouldn't have been able to afford it. He said, "You're special. You never have to worry about that." Then he proceeded to give me three months of stuff! SCORE!!!

So... that was my last visit. I'm going to switch doctors -- although I got free stuff, it's just not worth it.

My baby girl is sick

Hera

This has been one hell of a week. My Labor Day weekend went by so quickly and was full of so many chores that it feels like a vague memory. Ugh.

Anyway.... my baby girl Hera has not been eating at all. I took her to the vet on Tuesday. They gave her fluids and drew blood to run tests.

When I brought her home from the vet, Duke (my male cat) flipped out. He could smell the other cats and the antiseptic on her. So he started hissing and baring his fangs and attacking her.

This of course stressed me out even more. I felt so bad for Hera because she didn't do anything wrong, and she's sick.

The next day, I waited until 2 before calling the vet. He said that feline HIV was negative and a bunch of other diseases were negative. He hadn't gotten the feline leukemia tests back though. He was concerned it could be that because Hera's left pupil was very constricted compared to the right one. Her "third eyelid" was partially covering the left eye also.

He finally called back around 5 to tell me she tested negative for feline leukemia (an always fatal disease). Thank God.

Today, she started drinking water again and ate a little bit of food-not much though. I force fed her some high caloric food the vet game me. I had to use a syringe but she ate it. Hopefully this will jump start her appetite. If not, the vet said he can give her a shot of cortisone to stimulate her appetite.

So.... everyone say prayers for my baby girl. I love her a lot.