Calling Dr. Love

Kiss
Originally uploaded by veryapeaz.

I had a very interesting weekend. I've got a shitload of freelance projects going on and I'm really far behind in completing them.

I decided that I was going to stay in Friday and Saturday evenings and knock out a bunch of shit. I took two Simply Sleeps Friday night to ensure that my mind closed down and I would achieve at least 7 hours of sleep.

It didn't happen. I managed to piece together about 3 or 4 hours of broken sleep. AND I WAS ON DRUGS! It's so frustrating.

Of course, I was so tired on Saturday that I couldn't get anything done. So what did I do? I watched two hours of Melrose Place on Soapnet. Why the hell did they ever cancel this amazing show?

The two episodes I got to watch were the ones when Kimberly (now a famous Desperate Widow) has a split personality and ends up blowing up Melrose Place. It's also where Dan Cortes (looking so hot -- like he just walked out of a Pearl Jam video--he's very grunge-like and sensitive) beats the shit out of Joe. I forgot about that part--made me sick.

Anyway... I managed to get two hours of work done. Then I went to the gym and came home, ate Chinese food and watched two hours of Knots Landing. Another favorite of mine. I mean, nobody could do eye shadow like Donna Mills. I used to love that show so much, I made my mother tape it every Thursday night while I was stationed in Germany and mail me the videotapes.

Sunday, I worked at Skyview, came home, cleaned, showered and then went to Charlie's (a local country/western bar) for its afternoon cookout, beer bust thing.

It's only $2.50 for a mini pitcher of beer. Needless to say, I got drunk. But it was cool because a bunch of ruggers were there, my friends DanJeff, Richard, Charles, George and Kevin; George's friends Kevin and David; even Tim from work stopped by. All in all, there was a huge group of people that I know and love. Oh and I ran into one of Phoenix's bloggers-Darrin.

Jay and I had a goal of talking to one person we didn't know but thought was attractive. We are both kinda scared (okay, we're pussies) when it comes to approaching strangers. In fact, I've only asked one guy out on a date in my entire life--and that was very high-schoolish. I made someone else find out if that person was single and if that person thought I was attractive. What a dork.

So, after two beers and a mini pitcher of beer. I decided to make out with this guy--Mr. AA (Mr. Z exists but we never went out, so now I'm doing the theater seating assignment of guys). I just grabbed him and stuck my tongue down his throat. When I stopped I told him we weren't going to have sex.... that night. I didn't want him to think I was a whore. ;-)

But that leads me to point of this VERY long post. Some men don't know how to kiss.

Mr. AA, DEFINITELY knows how to kiss. I sported instant wood.

But many guys don't know how to do it. I don't know if it's mechanics or what. Even though I liked Mr. X, he was only adequate in the kissing department. It was nice but I could never figure out what the hell he was trying to do.

I've been told that I'm a very good kisser. By both men and women. I always thought it was a line. Until I started getting drunk and kissing random guys in bars. The more guys I kissed, the more I realized that it really is an artform that most people have never studied.

Or they've studied it so much that they're just horrendous--they understand the theories, they can converse on what makes a great kisser, but they are just terrible in practice.

I tried to figure out what it is that makes some people good, and others not. But there's no checklist you can create.

Obviously, I know what's wrong with the bad kissers. Some dart their tongues around like little snakes. Others try to extricate your tonsils using only a forked tongue and some spit. And others forget that a love bite doesn't draw blood.

But Mr. AA -- he knew what the deal was. I like that in a guy.

So, after making out with him, I asked him out (I thought it was the proper thing to do). We're gonna go out on a date Friday night.

He's smart (a lawyer), knows a little Russian and he knows how to kiss. Isn't that all anyone can ask for? Hopefully, we'll have something in common. If not, at least we can always make out to make up for awkward silences.