There's Always Rugby

Just a little bit

My weekend was eventful. Friday night Charles and Angi came over to watch movies. We were planning on watching a funny flick or two and then calling it a night. But Charles brought a bottle of wine, so we opened it up. Then Kevin arrived from the gym and started chit-chatting. Before we knew it, we had polished off a couple of bottles of wine and it was 11:30. I kicked them out because I was freaking tired--that's what I love about my friends. I can just say, "It's late, you have to leave because I'm tired." And they're cool with that.

I skipped rugby practice Saturday morning, on account of my wrist that's still not better and my right eye. The sty is on the inside of my upper lid. It's completely swollen and gross.

I sat around and worked on Neil's book. My buddy Neil Giuliano is a former mayor of Tempe and has led an interesting life. He wrote a book about being forced out of the closet due to some right wingers while in office. It's very interesting. Anyway... I'm doing some edits and making notes for him.

Saturday night I picked up Jeffy. Actually, I picked up Jeff, but in my mind I call him Jeffy, so I'll just start calling him that in real life. He told me he wouldn't hit me if I did.

We went to La Roca and met up with the rugby boiz for Jonathan's birthday. Five minutes after we arrived, this man walks up to the jukebox and starts playing some music. At that point in the evening, I was sitting in a chair directly adjacent to the jukebox and Jeff was standing directly in front of me. The first song that starts blaring out of the jukebox is Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. Jeff paused in mid-sentence -- the look on his face was priceless. It took every ounce of energy for him not to make some smart-assed comment and/or bust out laughing. Believe me, it was just as difficult for me not to crack up watching all this unfold.

While at La Roca, one of the rugby players, William, told me he had a sty for FOUR MONTHS!! The doctor told him it was due to stress. Anyone who reads this, please start sending me any leftover Prozac, Codeine or Vicodin you may have sitting around in the medicine cabinet. I do not want my eye looking like Frankenstein's for FOUR FREAKING MONTHS.

After plenty of beers, we headed over to Apollo's for karaoke. After commandeering a table, we sat, sang and drank some more beers. All in all, it was a good evening. We split around 12 or 12:30 because I had to get up for work.

Sunday morning I worked the Dbax game up at Skyview, checked on George's cats and went home. I cleaned, finished some notes on Neil's book and then headed to Rock Bottom Brewery for an evening of beers with Mr. Y.

Once again, it was a fun evening. At the end of the evening, I told him that I wanted to go out again but that I wasn't ready for a one-on-one relationship just yet. It was too soon after Mr. X and I just wanted to date casually for now. He said that he would be bummed with that situation. So he said we could just be friends.

I totally understood and said okay. Then he said, "I'm sure I'll see you out sometime."

I said, "Wait. There's a difference. Do you want to be friends or is this 'If I see you out at the bars I'll say hi.'"

He acknowledged the difference and said we could be friends. So, we're gonna hang out Friday night.

My dilemma is this. Instantly after that, I felt terribly guilty. I felt bad that I disappointed him (it was evident on his face). Kevin said I shouldn't feel that way, but I hate to upset or disappoint people, regardless of the situation.

I'm also kind of torn. I would like to date some people before my next big relationship. One of those people I date could turn INTO the next big relationship, but I'm not ready to discount everyone else in the world after one date.

Kevin says that I want to casually date others because I have been in relationships for most of my life and that I've never had the "dating experience." When I was younger and came out I was quickly in a two year relationship with Cyrille. 11 months after Cyrille and I were officially over, I was in a 6+ year relationship with Kevin. It's been 1 1/2 years since Kevin and I broke up. My only dating experiences since Kevin and I broke up were a 2-month stint with someone who wasn't out of the closet (so I had to end that) and then my recent experience with Mr. X.

So, his contention is that I'm similar to someone in their 20s. Everyone else my age is ready to settle down. I kind of agree.

But on the other hand, I do want to settle down with someone; I just want to make sure it's with the right person.

I don't know. It's a little confusing.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I won't be able to "just date" people casually though. People want you to date them and no one else after the first date. I'm not ready to do that. So, I'll just end up hanging out with my friends. Saturday night was so awesome with the rugby guys. To me, that's very fulfilling. I love that cameraderie and I think that will be all I need for awhile.

Now I just need to find someone to have sex with, cuz I'm gonna explode pretty soon.