Frogs

What does friend mean to you?
A word so wrongfully abused
Are you like me confused?
All included but you
Alone

You know me, everything relates to music. That's the first part of a song called Frogs by Alice in Chains. Why's it called Frogs? Because at the beginning of the song you can hear these frogs belching. But that's not the point of this post.

I'm writing this post because Mr. X and I have exchanged some IMs and e-mails over the past two days. And they've been really good. I understand some things about what makes him tick. It's also helped me better understand the qualities and attributes in someone who would be compatible with me. And things I should work on in the future.

But let me first say that Mr. X does not want me discussing what we talked about over the past two days to my friends (or blog about it). He actually said that on the phone. He said that when he meets my friends he doesn't want them to think that he's a jerk or whatever. I told him they wouldn't think that. And as Kevin pointed out -- they really don't care.

Oddly, Mr. X also said that he doesn't discuss this kind of stuff with his friends. That's either a lie (on Sunday night he told me he discussed our situation with one of his friends) or it's terribly sad. I can't imagine not discussing things with my friends. I don't go around bashing Mr. X (or Mr. W, T or Z). I just talk about stuff that might seem odd or out of place--to gain different perspectives on things.

Plus, they (friends) are wonderful sounding boards. Sometimes they tell me I'm full of shit. Sometimes they call me out when I've done something wrong. Sometimes they tell me when I'm right. And sometimes they just listen and let me get things out.

Now I don't discuss EVERYTHING with my friends. I would never discuss intimate details of a relationship. And I never really talk about sex, except in generic terms and never about a specific person. But I do talk about important things and not so important things with my friends--the good, the bad and the ugly.

I was really taken aback by Mr. X's comments. So, I turned to Buddy and said, "I promise this is the last time I'm discussing Mr. X. But...." Buddy said that what Mr. X said was unacceptable. He said, "You just broke up with him. Who else are you going to discuss it with?"

THANK YOU!!!!

Now as to why things didn't work out with Mr. X--well according to him there were several things. But I won't discuss them here.

Tonight after talking it over with Kevin (sometimes it pays to have your ex-boyfriend as a roommate and best friend), he did tell me some things I hadn't completely realized before. And if anyone should be able to point these things out, it's him. After all, he survived 6+ years in a relationship with me.

So here are some things that are important in order to be compatible with me:
You can't be controlling -- you really have to be able to go with the flow when dating me.
You have to trust me at my word -- if I say something I mean it. I do not bullshit or blow smoke and I don't often repeat myself.
You have to be fairly independent -- I have a lot of hobbies and I like my alone time. It doesn't mean that I don't like spending time with a person. And it doesn't mean that when we're not together I'm not thinking of them or I'm cheating on them or I don't like them. I really believe in the idea that people need to bring outside interests into the relationship and that not everything should be done together.
You have to communicate with me -- I need to hear you say, "I don't like this." or "I'm not comfortable when you do this." I will make adjustments based on what I know and hear but I'm kind of oblivious to innuendo or sarcastic remarks. I really need straight shooters in my life, even if I don't always like the comments I respect them and understand them.

Now, I know it's not easy dating someone like me. I have VERY strong opinions about things. And I make them known. And sometimes I play devil's advocate in a debate just to keep things lively. Or I'll challenge a comment regardless of how I truly feel. I like to constantly challenge and be challenged.

So, whoever reads this do me a favor and post something about talking things out with friends. Am I insane or is it okay to talk things out with your buddies? Or should you just not discuss it and move on?