I Will Survive

Editorial note: I copied and pasted this from my phone with some minor editing.

It's 530 a.m. and I'm standing behind about two hundred people to get into a Target. I'm typing this into my phone. I've had no time to blog lately and figured that this was as good a time as any.

Why am I doing this? I've never done this before-participate in one of those door busters sales the day after Thanksgiving.

But I talked to my sister Lorraine yesterday. She's stressing because she wants to get my niece and nephew a Nintendo Wii for Christmas. And supply is limited. I told her I wanted one too and I'd be on the lookout for her. So that's why I'm here.

I think I should get some extra points for my gay card. I hate shopping. But surely standing in line at five thirty in the morning is worth some points! It's now 5:45 and there are about one hundred people behind me. These people are crazy. I want to reiterate that I'm here in the hopes of attaining a hard to get item. Not because I want to buy Ernest Saves Christmas for the low price of $4.95 (from 6-9 am only).

I looked at the ads yesterday. There was nothing great about them. My goal is to run into the store and see if they have the Wii. If they don't I'm going down the shopping complex to gamestop. There were only ten people in line there when I pulled in this morning and they don't open til seven.

I have a feeling that I'll end up standing around for two hours for nothing. Hopefully that's not the case. 8 more minutes til showtime. I'm putting my phone away. I'm going to need both hands to push everyone out of my way.

I hope It's something like in the 80s when cabbage patch dolls were scarce and parents fought tooth and nail for those ugly dolls. That's the true spirit of Christmas. Right?

OK. Target was a bust. That place was absolutely crazy. Everyone was packed in the technology section. You couldn't move between the shopping carts. The people behind the camera desk were overwhelmed. It was surreal. Honestly there weren't amazing deals. Sadly, they only had 24 Wiis. Those were gone before I crossed the shoe department...

I love video games but i can't stand the freaks that work and shop at game stores. This guy behind me (I'm now at gamestop) is calling everyone "guy." And when someone asked if he was standing in line for a Wii he got all offended like his manhood was questioned. Then he made a big show of saying that he would never want a Wii. And that he wasn't here to buy anything but to exchange a game.

Who the fuck gets in line an hour before a store opens to exchange a game? I hate him. The two ladies behind me are talking to him. His voice is grating. I hope the game he's exchanging isn't in. He wears his wedding ring around his neck. First, he mentioned his wife. I quickly turned around when he said that because I couldn't believe he would be married. Then I noticed he wears his wedding ring around his neck. For the love of God, WHY? Because the extra weight will slow him down a tenth of a second while playing Halo 2?

It's five minutes til opening and the store manager is getting out of his car. How do I know this? The annoying man just announced it to the whole crowd. The manager said they only have six Wiis and no PS3s. The first couple of people cheer and everyone else groans. Oh well. I'll try again next week.

Editorial note: Joe tried going to WalMart to get a $50 portable DVD player for his nephew. The scene looked like this.